"Just Keep Swimming"

Ok, I know I said that I wasn’t going to making this all about Nutrisystem and losing weight, but that’s really what’s going on in my life right now... So here’s an update since I’m a week in as of tonight...

I got my first shipment of food last Wednesday – it was a huge box and totally took over the pantry. I was really excited to start trying it, so I went to the grocery store and got the fruits and veggies and other stuff that I am supposed to supplement it with.

 And that's just the breakfasts and lunches... The dinners and desserts are in another cube... And the giant pixie stick? In the trash..... haha But my Orbit Sweet Mint Gum? A pack of that is with me at all times... It tastes like those pink, green, and yellow butter mints... Mmmm...

The first night for dinner I had the one thing that I was the most skeptical and scared of seeing as how none of the food needs to be refrigerated or frozen... The hamburger.

I bought sandwich thins instead of buns to have all the sandwich-y things on because they fit into the plan and was mentally psyching myself up for what I would find when I opened the packet... The horror. I didn’t remember to take a picture – I think I was too freaked out... I may or may not have had a hint of hysteria in my voice when I said “THEY EXPECT ME TO PUT THIS IN MY MOUTH?? That’s what she said....” It looked like those organic pet treats that are just dehydrated chicken or beef – because that is what it was. I stood there staring at it with a very frightened expression on my face until I finally put on my big girl panties and just got to work. To “reconstitute” the burger, you pour boiling water into its little try and let it sit for 2 minutes. I did just that and I have to confess...

It was good. Like, shockingly good... Go figure.

So far I have been pleasantly surprised with the taste of the food. I was worried that it would be like eating cardboard, but most of it has been really good! 

 My lunch the other day... Super yum. The entree was some cheesy chicken noodle thing...

I start off the day with a protein shake (of which Strawberry is TOTALLY the best flavor) and a Nutrisystem Breakfast. Morning snack is a “Power Fuel” – usually either yogurt or cottage cheese. Lunch is a Nutrisystem Lunch, another “Power Fuel” (I usually go with string cheese, almonds, or my personal favorite – edamame. Because, let me tell you – half a cup of edamame out of the shell is a CRAP TON.), salad, and another veggie. Then afternoon snack rolls around and I have a “Smart Carb” – usually fruit like peaches, pears, or applesauce... Then get home from work have dinner – Nutrisystem Dinner, “Smart Carb”, more salad, and more veggies. After that is a Nutrisystem Dessert. (And a ton of water mixed in there... Along with my beloved Diet Coke.)

You guys? I am eating all stinking day...

Don’t get me wrong with that though – it has not been easy... I have had good and bad days. I have had psychotic thoughts like slapping the container of chocolate toffee covered macadamia nuts (LOVE) out of J’s hand and laughing like a crazy person at the look on his face as they all roll around the floor... But then I have good thoughts about how happy I am that the scale is moving in the right direction...

I have been really sad when I have moments where I am hungry and just want to eat something horrible for me, but then that turns around into moments where I am really proud of myself for fighting through.

I have moments where I love the veggies I am eating and moments where I crack my friend at work up by glaring at the sugar snap pea that I am about to eat and telling it that I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns...

Add in my body detoxing from all the crap I’ve been putting in it for years and the massive headaches that has caused and it has not been a dream.

But the scale is totally moving – Down 4 pounds in the first week!

That is what makes it worth it. And the headaches are fewer and farther between... As are the cravings... I figure it will get easier as I go along... It definitely helps that I had awesome support from my bff over the weekend and from J (even if he does eat candy in front of me...) - they make it not suck so bad on the bad days... (and I may or may not have just had something in both of my eyes for a second there... hate when that happens... haha)

I try to keep Dori’s words from Finding Nemo rolling in my brain when I am struggling – “Just keep swimming.” *I don't know why videos don't want to embed anymore, but here's the link in case you don't know what I'm talking about.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA

Because I can totally do this.

And I am gonna look ridiculously hot. Just so you know...

Four Years of Nagging is All it Takes – Keep Your Chin Up

From the moment that I was placed in the job I am currently in (I did not choose to be in this job – it was chosen for me...), I have been fighting to get my title changed. I didn’t like it.

Secretary.

It brought to mind images of tan pantyhose, big hair, shoulder pads, and taking dictation. None of which I have or do. When I got placed there, I took control of the job. I dug my claws in and I made it mine. And that word had nothing to do with anything that this job did anymore.

It grew into an obsession. I would no longer tell people my title. I cringed when someone would use it – out loud or in writing. I fought just to get that word that makes me crazy changed. “Assistant! That would be better! Why can’t we change that one word??”

Don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with being a secretary. When you break things down, even the highest person in your office is just a paper-pusher like everyone else... My problem was with the way people say it. “Oh, she’s just a secretary.” Like I was somehow less, like I did less, like I was worth less. And I absolutely 100% was not less.

I took on everything that they threw my way, all the while thinking that they would eventually HAVE to agree with me... See how I was doing at least two people’s jobs worth of work and never refusing or throwing a fit (out loud...) when they added more to my daily tasks. But there was never a reaction. Instead it just started feeling like I was drowning – like I was being punished for being awesome...

And I can say that because I am awesome. I have no doubt about that. I am damn good at my job.

Finally the tiniest ray of hope – they promised to change the hateful word. A momentary spark... That was quickly snuffed out by the amount of time that passed without hearing a single mention of it. MONTHS went by.

I began daydreaming about how lost they would be if I deleted all of the reports that I created and update and disappeared... Wishing I would be able to see the looks on their faces as they began to truly realize everything that I did... All while knowing that I would never do that in a million years...

I began looking for other jobs – things where I would no longer be embarrassed to tell people my title. After either not having the guts to leave the company I’ve worked for for 12 years or not getting the position – the most recent because they ended up going with someone already in that office... I had pretty much resigned myself to going to work every day, kicking butt, and hating every second of it.

Until this week.

My boss asked me to come into our assistant general manager’s office. It was like when a cop pulls behind you and you start going over everything you’ve done while driving to think if he got behind you for a reason... Immediate thoughts of “Crap, what did I do?? I know I haven’t been as ‘sunny’ as I used to be, but that’s not worth talking to me about, right???”

Those immediate thoughts were crushed under the news.

My new title.

Analyst.

It may be a meaningless word to you, but to me, it is everything. It’s what I’ve been fighting for. It’s not about money for me – it’s about being able to hold my head up when people ask what I do. It’s about my job having a title that actually fits what it is instead of being locked in the past with what it was… When he said the word, my jaw dropped and there was a brief back of forth of “Wait… What?” and “Seriously?!” And the one that had them both laughing… “I would really like to hug both of you right now!”

There are still things that I would definitely like to change about my situation at work (and I still firmly believe that I was never meant to work...), but this is a big band-aid that I have been screaming for until I felt like everyone around me must be deaf. I feel like I’ve finally gotten the recognition that I’ve been jumping up and down like a hyperactive Jack Russell trying to get since they moved me in and I took over…

It’s a good feeling.